My husband is verbally abusive

I've been married 8 years and I hate my husband. He is mean and yells at the slightest of problems. I never know what will set him off, but he can't go more than a week without a major explosion. He'll curse and scream and call me names. He is super jealous and if I ever say hello to a guy when he's around, he'll accuse me of having an affair and will call me a slut and a whore. I hate it. We have a four year old, and I'd hate to get a divorce but if I stay I've got to learn how to keep from being depressed and tense all the time.

it seems like he has been so abusive that your self-esteem is almost non-existent. if you felt better about yourself, you would leave this person and take your child with you...

I agree that if abuse is all you have gotten from this guy, its all you can expect in the future. What would you be teaching your child by staying with that...It's ok to be someone's punching bag?

Does he acknowledge how horrible he is treating you? This might not be the best idea, but it worked for me. My husband felt like I was blowing his tirades out of proportion. He didn't realize how ugly he was to me. I set up our video camera one day, and taped a fight that we had. He was shocked at how horrible he looked and sounded. He has now agreed to go to counseling. He still gets angry and blows up sometimes, but I'm hopeful things will get better. However, if they don't, I don't know how long I'll stay. No one deserves that. At least I can say I tried.

I love the idea of the video tape.
The guy has major issues (bipolar? narcissist? depression?). First remember that his condemnation of you is not an indication of your character, but his. Don't let him set your self esteem. He is trying to exert power but it illustrates how weak he feels. He's a little boy trying to act like a big mean bully.
The last thing you should do is cry or plead when he goes into his tirades. That only feeds his ego. It means he got to you. When he yells, let him know you will consider his opinion and then move on. DO NOT defend. DO NOT cower. DO NOT change the direction of your decisions. Show that you are a separate person whose self esteem is found in any place other than his opinion. Don't give him power.