my old husband

I have been happily remarried seven years. I have a teenaged son and that requires me to stay in contact with my ex. Fortunately we are reasonably coordinated how we discipline him and keep our schedules with him. My biggest problem is that when we are all in public together, my ex won't even acknowledge the existance of my husband. He has made attempts to say hello or to shake hands but my ex's ignoring of him is so predictable that he has quit trying. Now my husband is saying that he'd just rather stay home when there is an event that will include the ex. It's awkward. He likes being supportive of my son and I don't want him to lose out in that category. I've just asked him to let it roll off his back but he says it is easier said than done. I understand that being rebuffed is no fun so I am unsure how much I should push him.

I'm not so sure it is a good idea to invite your current husband and to an event that includes your child from your former spouse. In other words, if your ex is going to be there, don't invite your husband. If your ex is not going to be there, then I don't see anything wrong with inviting your husband. I think you've got to maintain these types of boundaries here to make sure everyone is comfortable.

Since the son is in his teens I'd assume he is old enough for you and your husband to talk about it. After all, he is the one at the center of the issue. Ask him what it is like when the stepdad is at his events. If he says he likes him there, then the adults should suck it up and do what is best for the child. If the son says it is awkward, then make the needed adjustments. If the son says he is ambivelent, then you decide. Don't let the ex husband decide for you via his rude behavior.
Communicate.

There isn't usually an easy answer to this situation...divorce wrecks the perceptions kids want to have about their parents, and throwing in a new spouse doesn't make it easier. When the previous spouse behaves in a disrespectful or awkward way toward the new spouse, especially in front of your son, there isn't much you can do about it. Lecturing the old spouse (then or later) probably won't work, bashing him to your son or new spouse won't do any good, and stewing over it will just make everyone more miserable. (Some folks would say that you could ask your previous spouse nicely to show a bit of consideration...but personally I don't ask my "ex" for anything...permission, favors, money, etc.) As the new spouse in a very similar situation, when something like this comes up, I simply ask the son what I can do that will make things easier for him, and ask if he would prefer that I show up or not show up. That doesn't solve the problem, but it eases the tension for the son...and that's about all you can do in the circumstance. Blessings to you.