my husband's anger

About a year ago I told my husband that if he continued having tirades I was going to leave. He can be a nice guy, but he can go off about the smallest of things. I have lived in fear for the last 10 years. Since then he has gone to counseling, which has shocked me. He read Dr. Carter's book The Anger Trap. He is really a lot calmer most of the time. He's still in counseling and he says he'll do whatever it takes to prove that he wants to get over his past problems. He's not putting any pressure on me to accept him, so that is good.
My problem is that I'm still waiting for the old angry husband to return. I like what I'm seeing, but I don't trust it yet.

Sounds like he is doing all he can to show you that he is taking his growth seriously. I know you have a history of hurt with him, but what if this is the real thing? You have little to lose by showing appreciation. Give it a try. Be engaging. If he goes back to his old patterns you'll know it was bogus and you can pull back. But if he continues to show balance, you both win.

When we use the phrase, "You get what you ask for" we usually mean it in a negative sense. What if this time that phrase is true, but the outcome is positive? Hey, we all love a happy ending and maybe that is what you are going to get. I agree that you have little to lose by complimenting him on his efforts and by stepping up your efforts to reconnect. You can always pull back, but I'm hoping for your sake that you won't have to.

Anger is like a piece of burning coal that we use to hit out against someone else. It is therefore, something we need to learn to manage properly. Anger can be very destructive to both ourselves and others around us if we are not able to call a halt to our actions.