Loner Husband and Social Wife

A wife is chronically frustrated because she has a deep history of social connections, but her husband prefers to isolate. She is never at a loss for invitations to do things with her friends and with other couples. Her two kids are involved in activities that allow her to make friends with other parents. She is well liked by neighbors. Yet when invited to go out, her husband either refuses to go or if he does, insists on being the first to go home. Furthermore, he complains loudly when she chooses to do things outside the home without him. He is very stubborn and opinionated.

How Would You Respond?

i believe this is a common issue among certain couples. the guy tends to be comfortable having a social circle of one (his wife) while the gal wants to branch out and make new friends. I'm not sure you can teach an old dog new tricks, but maybe it's a numbers game - make lots of plans but don't expect you'll make every committment...

There is an old saying that "opposites attract." Perhaps with time, the wife becomes less understanding of her husband's lack of socialization and she becomes unhappy. Also, it sounds as if the husband lacks communication skills and has a deficit in confidence. His immaturity or unwillingness to cooperate makes his wife's social events miserable or even impossible. Surely, if there is a commitment in the marriage, this problem can be resolved. Why not encourage the couple to sit and talk it out until they both are sensitive to why each acts and reacts in the way they do concerning this controversy?

Personally, after nearly 15 years of trying to communicate with husband peacefully, I feel exhausted. Nearly every talk ends in a forceful statement that he's right and I'm wrong, or some aggravating comment. It is not a matter of balance, I feel, at this point, it is more like he wears me out with his power trips. I cannot describe it better than Dr. Carter did in his chapter "Bottomless Well of Narcissistic Demands" in the book Enough About You, Let's Talk About Me.