i'm thinking about cheating

I've been married to my husband for about 3 years and it is going just ok. There is very little sex and intimacy and i'm always having to instigate things. I need a little spice in my life and there is a real cute guy at work who is coming on to me and i'm flirting back. i've met up with him after work for a few drinks and i fantasize about sleeping with him. These are really strong feelings and i'm not sure what i can do to make my sex life with my husband any better, god knows i've tried. any suggestions would be helpful as i do love my husband.

Please stop and think about all involved in this situation. If you love your husband, please communicate with him. I suggest speaking with him calmly and openly. Seek help. Before you cross the line any further than you already have, consider the consequences of your actions. These situations never end well. Marriage is not always easy. This is a challenge that you both need to overcome together. Turning to another man is the worst thing you could do. Put yourself in your husbands shoes. What if it was you who was cheated on? There might be things going on with your husband that he has not communicated to you. Please... COMMUNICATE! Save your marriage.

It would be nice if you and your husband had a good sex life, but if you get along with him in other ways that's not the worst thing. You can keep a secret life if you want, but you'll be miserable. If you think you have problems now, they'll be 10 times worse if you get caught in bed with another man.

Think about what you are saying. You love your husband but you dream about sleeping with another man. Love is more than a fluffy feeling. If you love him, you want the very best for him. Is it best for him to have a wife who is willing to be deceptive and secretive? Live your love, don't just flow with the emotion of the moment.

thank you all for helping to put things more into perspective. while i get a kick out of flirting with this guy at work, i realize that deep down inside it is making up for my own feelings of insecurity about myself. in other words, am i an attractive woman and can i still turn on a man? i think if i was getting what i truly needed from my husband, i would feel a lot better about myself. on the other hand, why should i allow my husband's neglect to affect my self-esteem? maybe it's him, not me?

I'm glad to know that you were open about this and that you can hear what others have to say. I too would say that you should think long and hard about the consequensces of an affair, but I would say it without judging you. We all have needs and yours are as legit as anyone else's. I guess this goes to prove that sometimes marriage doesn't work out like a fairy tale. Just keep your senses about you. These words of caution are spoken with a caring heart.

Hopefully, you actually had a lightbulb moment when you read the responses to your topic. I am constantly amazed at how so many people enter marriage with the idea of "if this doesn't work out, I'll divorce and marry someone else." And I certainly don't understand the mindset of married people trying to "turn on" a person who is not their mate! You may turn this guy's head and then what? Is turning on one guy enough for your ego? Perhaps your husband realizes that you have committed mental adultery in your heart and he feels betrayed and alone.

There was a time when a man could be taken at his word, but somehow along the way, many have lost sight of being true to a vow of commitment and trustworthiness. God gave us the opportunity to pledge our allegiance to one person for a lifetime in order to share in the joys and sorrows of life together. My husband and I have been married for 33 years and our union grows sweeter as the years go by, BUT our marriage is not without problems. We vowed to love another through the good, the bad, and the ugly "TILL DEATH DO US PART!"