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Post  maria Fri May 15, 2009 12:07 pm

I am in a verbally abusive relationship. Recently I told a friend about an argument my husband and I had and I mentioned that it wasn't as bad as usual because he didn't call me his usual list of filthy names. She responded that that's no way to judge an argument...the lack of filth. He still is insulting and closed minded and most of the time when we disagree he is horrible. He's never hit me but he throws things, curses easily, screams.
All my friends tell me to leave him, and my family feels very hurt because they've see how bad he treats me. We have no kids so that wouldn't be an issue. My problem is that I have never had a good track record of picking men. So what if I leave him and then choose another guy who truns out to be about the same? I may as well stay and face the known rather than leave and have to guess about the unknown that would await me.
Is this crazy thinking?

maria
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what else is out there Empty crazy thinking?

Post  fred Fri May 15, 2009 2:28 pm

Not all men are like this and maybe you've learned what you don't want. It has been my experience that people make the same relationship mistakes because of feelings of insecurity and low self-esteem. Before you ponder another relationship, maybe you can work on yourself first? Also, see Dr. Les' video on codependency at www.marriagemate.com/d13s1.html and control/appeasement at www.marriagemate.com/d10s2.html

Hope these help you!

fred
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Post  Dr. Les Sat May 23, 2009 10:24 am

When someone such as yourself gets to the point of tolerating abusive behavior, it almost always indicates a history of a disintegrated self image. Somewhere along the way you learned that you do not deserve the decent treatment that others live with.
Rather than just asking if this man is right for you (or if he's a little better than awful) explore what you believe about yourself. Do you believe in your inherent worth? Do you believe in your capacity to find happiness with or without a man involved? Can you cling to your right beliefs about yourself even if he repeatly taunts you or belittles your decisions?
No one deserves to live with chronic abuse...and that includes you.

Dr. Les

Posts : 5
Join date : 2009-05-08

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