Meadling Mother-in-law

My mother-in-law drives me crazy. I love my husband dearly, but I dread any family get togethers or phone calls from his mom. She obviously doesn't approve of me and so she constantly makes little comments about how I clean, raise the kids, spend money, eat, cook...you name it. Her comments are so slight that my husband overlooks it or makes comments that she is just being sarcastic or joking and then gets defensive if I don't "get over it". How can I put her in her place without upsetting my husband.

When your mother in law criticizes you, let her know that you have already made up your mind and that you don't need her input. (Of course, say it nicely.) Get rid of the expectation that she'll be your pal, and just be non-defensive. You don't need to worry about the approval of someone who has no ability to accept someone outside her box.

It's not really your job to put your mother in law in her place. She's probably been this way all her life. Instead, depersonalize. I know its hard, but remember she'd be doing this no matter who her son married. It's not about you, its about her immaturity. Drop your expectations of having a wonderful relationship with her. She'll never be your friend.

My view of this issue comes from having a mother-in-law and, also, being a mother-in-law. When we marry a person, we are marrying into this person's family of ideals--social, cultural, religious, etc. No matter how hard you try, you will never find two families with the exact standards on every issue. That is why we must be committed to our mate when we marry and be willing to work through issues. What you may consider "criticism" from your mother-in-law, may be valueable advice or opinions that she is trying to pass on to you through her experiences and wisdom. Although her approach may not be as "tactful" as you would appreciate, it may be a good idea to always think positively concerning her words and actions. Give her the benefit of the doubt, because, after all, she did raise the person YOU chose as a mate. She did something right of which you approve. Also, a lifetime of strife over inlaw "problems" robs families of many precious moments...just think of all those miserable holidays and visits for you, your mate, your in-laws, and most of all children. Do away with all the stinkin' thinkin' and strive for happiness. I think it is only fair that we all evaluate our own attitudes...perhaps we may find we are being too sensitive to constructive criticism.

When she tells you what to do or how you should have done something look her straight in the face and remind her that you didn't ask for her opinion.