i'm worried

My husband asked me if I would be interested in bringing another woman into our bedroom for an evening of fun. We were drinking at the time and now he says he was just kidding, but I'm not so sure. I have caught him very late at night looking at x rated videos and he was very apologetic and said it was a first time thing. But I think he is getting ideas about new sexual play from porn and who knows what. We are church going people and he says that he would never cheat on me, but I'm trusting him less these days. I asked him to go to counseling to see if he had a sex addiction (in addition to everything else he could have sex with me 3 times a day and want more) but the said that's not the issue. I'm not so sure.

He may say he was just kidding about asking about the third person, but I'm thinking he was truly runnning the idea by to see if you would bite. I suspect he has problems he's not fully revealing. The first thing I would do is put filters on the computer so porn and other sex sites would not be as accessable. I'd also insist on counseling so the two of you could get a better definition of what you are trying to do in the marriage. He's sending up major red flags.

I agree with Jan! There are some issues that need to be addressed between the two of you privately or with a mediator. Good luck!

Where there's smoke there's fire. I have a strong suspicion that your husband is not all that you think he is. I think his suppestion was his way of revealing his secret life, wondering if you would be willing to join him in his fantasies. Get him in therapy if he'll go and if not, then you need to go so you can get an idea of what you are up against. Normal husbands don't just kid around like that....unless there is something they are trying to reveal.