no sex and frustrated

i am 28 years old, been married now going on 4 years, and we have a 4 month old baby. i have been faithful to my wife but i am starting to want to have sex with other women. it seems my wife doesn't want to have sex since the baby has been born and i'm not sure why. i've asked and she just doesn't know. is it normal for some women to not want to have sex right after having a baby? should i just give it more time? any advice would be most appreciated.

frustrated,

drew k. (not my real name)

After having our first child in particular, it was evident that our WHOLE world had changed. The transition was difficult for me, because I now had a person who was totally dependent on me for every need he had in the world. I still loved my husband very much, but the issues of hormonal changes and sleep depravation caused us to have less time for affection between ourselves. This is a time when your commitment to your wife, child, and God are of utmost importance at this time. A sexual encounter outside of your marriage relationship would cause one problem on top of another which would only cause heartache for all involved. You now have a little one for whom you are responsible and you need to be there for him and his mom in heart and soul! Turn your back on the thoughts of other women and love your wife through every phase of your lives.

If you think you have problems, just try having affairs. Are you crazy? Do you think having flings will somehow make you a fulfilled man? Perhaps you should look more deeply into your shallow understanding of sex. I understand that you'd like to be sexual with your wife. That is reasonable. But if sex to you is about getting, maybe you need to change the direction of your thinking. Be a giver. Give your wife kindness, patience, and fidelity.

Try to put yourself in her shoes. She is going through so many changes, as someone listed in a previous post. It is very selfish of you to think about going elsewhere for sex. Instead of thinking about yourself, and your needs. Take a step back and consider how this makes your wife feel. I'm sure she wishes she was interested in sex right now. Try being a giver instead of a taker. Go out of your way to help her while she is going through these changes. Get up with her when the baby is up. rub her back. Bring her flowers, or right her a note just because. Hopefully in doing these things, it will make you feel happy to see the appreciation on your wife's face. And, how amazing it will feel to see the two of you become closer. I'm sure things will bounce back in the bedroom a lot quicker!

Sex outside of marriage - not a good idea! You will destroy everything you have now. With regards to why your wife does not want sex. That happens with a newborn, I would have to ask how tired is she, who gets up at night with the baby, what are you doing to help out, is she working and trying to take care of the baby? If you want sex you need to be loving and supportive, change diapers, help out, take her out and leave your child with a sitter, or better yet grand parents overnight. If you do something about her tiredness and to fill her love tank, she will most likely respond. If she does not respond after you make these efforts for a few weeks, you might consider marriage counseling to open a dialogue about the problem. If this is a behavior shift from what she was like before, she may be suffering from postpartum depression, or there may be a deeper problem. Is she perhaps overwhelmed and afraid sex will lead to more kids? Be there for her. The fact that you would contemplate an affair because you aren't getting what you want makes me think that you really aren't putting forth much effort to meet her needs because you are more worried about your own. It makes you sound like a creep. Be a person of better character, you took a vow before the Lord, be a man who keeps his vows. I encourage you to read the 5 love languages by Gary Chapman and discover what her language is and speak it.