won't fight fair

I really try hard to be adult-like when my husband and I disagree. I like the idea of thinking that I can express myself with firmness but also with courtesy. My problem is that my husband is so thin skinned that even when I think I am textbook perfect in expressing my concerns he will either go into a blaming fit or he won't talk to me for the rest of the day. It's like dealing with a child. I can't get him to understand that my efforts to resolve conflict are driven by love, not hate, and that it is normal for couples to disagree.
It makes me realize that it takes two to really apply the principles that people like Dr. Carter teach. One person cannot make the conflict process proceed smoothly.