not what I thought it would be

I'm twenty-two years into a marriage that has for the most part been a disappointment. We don't have enough issues to warrant a divorce but we certainly don't have a lot of joy together. We just live like cordial roommates.
When I was dating my wife she was friendly, kind, and very affectionate. She made all sorts of comments about how she wanted to make sure I felt loved and appreciated. The first couple of years of marriage were terrific. Meaningful sex, stimulating conversations, great social life. But over time, her enthusiasm for the marriage took a nose dive. We have one son, and that brings happiness. But I have noticed that she has a tendency of not finishing lots of things. She starts out as a good friend, but over time she gets to the point of not returning phone calls and such. She'll plant flowers in the yard and then won't tend to them afterward. She says she wants to exercize and she'll even join a health club but there is no follow through. She'll join an organization and after a few meetings quit going.
I quit trying to discuss all this with her because she just gets mad and somehow it is all my fault. I want to be a good husband but I'm living with someone who is a great starter and a very poor sustainer of commitments. It's all very sad.

Kent,

In 2001, I ALMOST divorced my wife of (at that time) 20 years. Without going into all the pain, disappointment, hurt, anger and resentment that led to the decision to file for divorce, my marriage survived. Today is better than it has been in many years prior to our 6 month separation. I filed for divorce because she left our home and refused to return upon my requests which ranged from commands, tearful request and even begging. We have a traditional marriage and we have always agreed that my position as leader and final decision maker would sustain us. We have always known that God is the ultimate master of both of us and that our marriage could never make it without HIS grace, mercy and guidance. However, she abandoned those beliefs when a third party re-entered her life.

During the 6 months she was out of the house, I went through the most painful period of my married life. It seemed she would never return. I had lost all control. But I did have the power of GOD on my side. I knew it was God's will to keep my marriage whole. He wanted the glory from bringing about our recovery and he got it. I visited many churches and had many people praying for my marriage. The situation drove me closer to God than I had ever been and I was grateful for it. God's power saved my marriage and is doing miraculous things today. We are about to celebrate our 29th year of marriage this December. While it is true that we do not have a "perfect" marriage, God has revealed that it will take a lifetime to get it right and we can never know the joy, happiness and blessings he has planned for us if we do not stay the course and navigate the inevitable rough seas. There is no acceptable alternative. My wife is my gift from God and God don't give no cheap, malfunctioning, or counterfeit gifts. If you genuinely believe your wife is a gift from God, thank Him and continue to be the best husband a man can be.

Look at the era you are in as a cloudy day before the dawn. Make God #1 in your life and your wife #2 and the crooked will be made straight, the unfinished will be finished. Remember, God moves in HIS own time, so be patient. Your wife needs you more than ever before and depends on you for better or worse. Glory to God, and have faith that your sad will become glad, even if it takes another 20 years to achieve. Thank God almighty for HIS gift of marriage!