our differences

I'm almost 40 and as I have aged I have made it my passion to learn about people, spirituality, psychology. (I love this site, there's nothing like it on the internet). The more aware I become the more I realize I married the wrong person. My husband is a nice person who makes a decent living and is loyal. But when it comes to emotional and personal connecting, we are often nowhere near each other in our approach. He is a stern giver of rules and I am the one who likes to look at options. He has to have everything in its place while I am ok with flexibility. We're not going to divorce but I feel lonely at times because I know that I can't share my heart with him with the confidence that he would understand what I am trying to convey. It's just not in is make-up and I don't think it ever will be.

Wow! I am amazed at the number of men and women who reach middle age and discover they are married to the wrong person. Initially, you and your husband were attracted to each other for specific reasons. I would guess that he was attracted to you because of your happy-go-lucky attitude and you were drawn to him because he was consistently responsible. The old adage "opposites attract" is a saying we often quote off the cuff without actually realizing how true it can be. Initially, your differences complimented one another and you both filled a void. For whatever reasons, you two have grown apart and there is a lack of appreciation and thankfulness in the relationship. He may be feeling the same emptiness but deals with it differently.

Marriage is a work in progress and needs constant nourishment. Since you are so aware of the problem, it's time for you to "reach out and touch someone," your husband. Plan a date night. Be spontaneous. Turn the TV and computer off...just talk. Do something special for him. You may be surprised how fast you can rekindle that fire and have a fulfilling, happy, secure relationship. Be thankful!!