my old reputation

In the first ten years of my marriage my wife and I used to fight like cats and dogs. I would go after her verbally like a tiger. Then we went to an excellent marriage encounter retreat and it hit me like a ton of bricks that what I was doing was abusive. She was just as guilty as me, but I was the leader of the family and needed to set a different pace. In the last ten years I have made major strides at curbing my anger. I doubt I have yelled twice in that stretch of time. Yet when my wife wants to score points in an argument, she'll bring up my past temper. She'll tell me I;m a hothead and that I have issues. No amount of appropriateness can erase her old impressions of me.
I'm learning that the toughest thing to get rid of is an old reputation. I wish she'd be more current in her judgement of me.

Sounds like what Dr. Les calls assumed hostility. check out his video on this phenomenom at: www.marriagemate.com/d3s1.html