passive control

Yelling people are obviously control fiends, but I'm convinced that the most controlling person is the one who absolutely refuses to talk or to make concessions. Stubborn silent treatment and withdrawal is a person's way of saying that you can't get through no matter how right or clean your ideas may be. My biggest problem is in not biting when my wife sets me up with her quiet stubbornness.

The biggest mistake you can make when dealing with the passive aggressive person is to attempt to make that person see the light. This only delights the p-a in a perverse way and perpetuates the power struggle. Instead, when your wife is obstinate, focus on what a healthy you can do to establish boundaries and principles. Then act on your beliefs whether or not the p-a approves. Let your integrity be your guide; don't fret over your mate's insecurity-driven need for control.

My husband used to go silent on me because he knew it would really ring my bell. Finally I learned to leave him alone and let him pout or stay silent. I just determined that I did not have to act like a desperate woman just because he was a jerk.