about my past

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about my past

Post  anon on Fri May 01, 2009 6:17 pm

I am going to get married in a few months, but I have never told my fiancee that in my late teens I had two abortions. I'm not the same person I was then so I am afraid that that if I told him about it he would think of me in the wrong terms. I've never even told my parents or my siblings about my secret. My counselor says I need to tell him so we can have trust, but I don't want it to backfire.
?????

anon
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it's important to come clean

Post  justin on Wed May 06, 2009 2:38 pm

now would be the right time to talk to your fiance about this. obviously, this was a painful ordeal for you and in the future you will likely need to share painful events in your life with your mate. if he reacts negatively, this should send a strong message to you that you may encounter problems in the future discussing sensitive subjects. on the other hand, i strongly suspect that your fiance will totally understand, and you will feel better being able to finally talk about this with someone you can trust. best of luck!

justin
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dont keep secrets

Post  Lissa on Wed May 06, 2009 8:33 pm

One of Dr. Carter's articles is about Secrets and the gist of it is that you can't be healthy if you hide secrets. It will be difficult for you to talk to your fiance about this but if he is someone you have to keep secrets from, then you have to wonder what kind of marriage it would be. On the other hand if he is someone you can confide in with the most sensitive thoughts, you've struck gold.

Lissa
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[i]Don''t wait any longer[/i]

Post  anniewoo on Thu May 21, 2009 2:42 pm

I totally agree that now is the time to tell your fiancee about your previous life. Obviously, your lifestyle has changed, but he should be aware of the facts. If you keep this information from him, it will come back to haunt you in some way or the other and you will probably not find him as willing to forgive and forget.

Additionally, you need to talk with to a counselor if you have not recieved help in this area previously. The mental stress and anxiety that an abortion has on a conscientious person can be like a ticking time bomb. The pressure continually builds up until it finally explodes. You will be glad you have dealt honestly with this issue..don't wait any longer because you are living in a fairytale world right now.

Wishes to you both for a bond of trust, love, and security.

anniewoo
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