my dad and me

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my dad and me

Post  katie on Wed Apr 29, 2009 4:58 pm

i was arrested because I slapped my dad in an argument when he was yelling at me about two inches in front of my face. He was cussing and spitting, but the police said they had to arrest me (i'm 22) because i am the one who hit him. since then he has not apologized and he never will. he has never been there for me and i know that i'll have issues when i get married. i am engaged but im scared that i won't be able to handle it if we fight. my boyfriend is wonderful and he sees thru my dad, but i just worry if i'll be a good wife. i don't want him to walk me down the isle but he'll blow a fuse if i tell him this. my mom says i can do what i want but i hate to make him mad all over again.

katie
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Dad

Post  bphill on Thu Apr 30, 2009 11:48 am

How you react to things is your choice. If you have problems controlling your anger get some help now before you get married and before you have kids. Do it for you because these things are too important to screw up and getting it right will give you a much happier life. Dr Les Carter has some good books and workbooks on anger management. With regards to your relationship with your Dad, it doesn't sound like you can have much of a relationship. May I suggest that for the time being you limit your contact with him, keep it polite and non emotional and realize you cant change him, but you can change how you respond. There is a lot of anger over the past and your feelings toward your Dad, God calls us to forgive, and you will never be free until you can let it go and forgive. This doesn't mean you should continue to allow yourself to be verbally abused (screaming in your face), but it does mean you should forgive him for the past, and set some healthy boundaries. Counseling will help you to do these two things. There is a Bible study I recommend, it is called being transformed and is through Scope Ministries a Christian counseling center in oklahoma city www.scopeministries.org. It is best done through a group so contact them to find out if there is one in your area. Good luck to you on your wedding and in your life together!

bphill

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domestic violence, from small to large

Post  lwj3 on Wed Jun 17, 2009 8:25 am

I can't help but recall the words of the apostle Paul, who said, "If possible, so far as it depends on you, be at peace with all men." If you read that sentence a time or two, you'll see that this amazingly Godly man recognized that (a) some people don't really want to live at peace with others and (b) you can only do what you can do. Behaving the way you want someone else to behave doesn't guarantee that they will match your positive behavior...you can only be responsible for you.

As to your reaction to being arrested for a physical response to ongoing...did that work out well for you? As most folks observe, in sports, it's frequently the second punch thrown that draws the penalty...and when you fight back physically, there may be negative consequences (as well as positive ones). To avoid consequences (not just legal ones) install some time/physical/communication boundaries that allow you to behave the way you want to...not the way that gives you more grief than the other person. Blessings to you.

lwj3
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