confronting the other woman

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confronting the other woman

Post  julie on Thu Apr 23, 2009 3:26 pm

About a week ago my husband confessed (after being caught) that he had an affair with a woman from his work. Apparently it lasted several months, although he won't go into details. One of the things I told him I want to do is confront the other woman. He says that would make a bad situation worse. He says he wants to stay married, but he would reconsider staying if I talked to her. I say that in order to have some accountability it is fair game for me to see her face to face and let her know that I want her to keep away from my husband.
Am I out of line?

julie
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confronting the other woman

Post  Melinda on Thu Apr 23, 2009 3:26 pm

Excuse me? Your husband had an extended affair and now he is the one telling you how you have to behave if the marriage will last? What an arrogant ass. I don't think you need to go crazy and give the woman the satisfaction of seeing how she got under your skin, but the last thing your husband needs to do is set the ground rules. He's proven that he is only concerned about himself. If you feel a confrontation would be necessary, then that is your decision, not his.

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It's all about him

Post  Gayla on Thu May 07, 2009 2:53 pm

He had an affair. He won't give details. He tells you if you can or cannot speak with the other person.
It's all about him. One of the things I'd be looking for is for him to show some humility. Right now his ego is showing.

Gayla
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the two D's

Post  Dr. Les on Sat May 09, 2009 9:10 am

When a man says he is wanting to be restored after an affair, to determine if he is sincere, look for "the two D's." Deception and Deservedness. You want to know that he is willing to be fully open and transparent and that he has dropped any sense of entitlement.
In this case, your husband is displaying both deception and deservedness. You say that he won't go into details, which tells me he is still wanting to hide truth. Also he is trying to direct you as to what you can and cannot say with the other woman...that is him displaying an attitude of entitlement.
Yes, it is reasonable to speak with the other woman for the very reason you cited.
My greatest concern, though, is that he is still wanting to call the shots. Until he shows more contrition, your marriage is likely to be rocky.

Dr. Les

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the two d's

Post  Admin on Sat May 09, 2009 10:19 am

Thanks Dr. Les!

Users may refer to dr. les' videos on the two d's at:

www.marriagemate.com/d7s1.html

and

www.marriagemate.com/d7s2.html

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