i've caught my fiance in some lies

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i've caught my fiance in some lies

Post  steve on Tue Apr 21, 2009 12:20 pm

I have been engaged with this gal for about 8 months, we're supposed to get married this fall. However, I catch her in some "white" lies and I'm worried that they will evolve into big lies down the road. I really love her and have talked to her about this, she just says it's no big deal. What should I do?

steve
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how important is honesty to you

Post  janie on Tue Apr 21, 2009 3:57 pm

Before you can have any good communication you have to have trust. If your fiance is willing to tell lies over small things think of how easy it would be for her to rationalize lies when the big issues come up. The trust will never be fully established. If she is lying to you now, it is a guarantee that she'll lie even more when you are married. How important is it to you that she be honest? The answer to that question should determine if it is a good idea to marry her.

janie
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is it you

Post  Aubry on Sun Apr 26, 2009 5:00 pm

I don't know that you can say it is a guarantee that little lies will lead to bigger lies, although that could be the case. My question, and it is just a question, is: Are you doing something that makes her fear telling the truth. We could speculate that she had problems in her past (parents, ex-boyfriends) that make her heistant to tell the truth. But is is also fair to ask if there is something in your relationship with her that makes her wonder if you are a safe person.
I had a girlfriend who said that she wanted to be honest with her fiancee but he was a very opinionated person who lectured her if she said something "wrong."

Aubry
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Open up

Post  Rylie on Wed Apr 29, 2009 11:30 am

A marriage can't be successful without trust. If this is interfering with your trust, it has to be fixed. Sit down and get to the bottom of why she feels the need to lie. Give her a comfortable avenue to open up. It's a must!

Rylie
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Better safe than sorry...

Post  anniewoo on Thu Apr 30, 2009 11:32 am

You are wise to see this weakness in your relationship! Honesty is of utmost importance in a relationship...you automatically receive a magnifyning glass after you say the words "I do". You gain the ability to see more into the imperfect character traits of your spouse. The "little" lies would tend to grow. Shocked When my husband and I have problems, we have a [i]sit in [/i, talk it out, and don't get up until we have reconciled our concerns. Maybe it is time for a heart-to-heart.

anniewoo
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