Blending Families Later in Life

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Blending Families Later in Life

Post  Marriage on Sat Apr 18, 2009 8:31 am

Bob and Jane were each widowed in their late fifties and married each other in their early sixties. From the very onset, Jane made no secret of her disdain for Bob’s children and grandchildren. She criticizes them to Bob in private conversations. She becomes quite jealous when they speak lovingly of his former wife. She quizzes him after each phone call or visit with them. She cries often and accuses Bob of not loving her when he makes plans to spend time with his extended family. When they make efforts to discuss the issue, it commonly ends because of her crying rages. His kids (two married daughters) and the grandkids live within twenty minutes of their home, so the opportunities to be together are many. Bob swears that he tries to keep his marriage and his extended family commitments balanced. Jane’s reactions to his family have become so severe and predictable in their three years of marriage that he is wondering if he should either cease seeing his family members or divorce. It seems there will never be a smooth blending between Jane and his family.

How Would You Respond?

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Blending families

Post  Sonja on Tue Apr 21, 2009 11:06 am

It seems as though Jane has some deep-rooted insecurities that may have existed long before they blended families. Perhaps you both should look further into the issue. If there have been no real reasons for her to dislike Bob's children, that might not be the real problem.

Sonja
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Agree to Disagree

Post  Jason on Wed Apr 29, 2009 11:37 am

I have the same problem with my wife and children. I felt pulled in the middle. Luckily, after a family discussion, they have agreed to disagree. They are respectful with one another, and it makes my life much easier. There has to be balance for Bob's sake. Hopefully they can come to a compromise.

Jason
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be free

Post  Nicole on Thu Apr 30, 2009 12:32 pm

One of the things I have learned from Dr. Carter's teaching is that every person has a free will. That includes you. Even though your wife would like to take over your ability to choose regarding your family, you are still free. Choose what makes sense to you and let her handle her own responses. You do not have to let her controlling ways get in the way of being a free person.

Nicole
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